Brenda Tracy: The first time I woke up, I was lying on the floor, naked. I was being assaulted and raped. They were pouring alcohol down my throat. I was in and out of consciousness probably for 6 to 7 hours. When I woke up, a used condom was stuck to my stomach. It was the most disgusting moment of my life. And I immediately started blaming myself. I immediately started saying things like, "I shouldn't have gone there. And I drank. I shouldn't have drank."
Immediately the story went public. My name wasn’t in the newspaper or on the news, but people knew it was me. And, when I spoke with the D.A., the D.A. said that it was going to be a really hard case. I was going to--it was kind of "he said, she said" situation. So I said, "Okay. I--I give up. I’m going to drop the charges. I don’t want to do this." I learned to live a double life. I was successful in my job and I was educated. And then there's this other Brenda who was not able to sleep at night and hated herself. And I would fantasize about being able to just peel off all my skin and not have skin that had been touched by them.
Sixteen years after the gang rape, I started going to counseling. I wanted to find happiness and I wanted to find peace. And I didn’t even know I had a story. Honestly, I didn't think anyone cared. But on that day when I told my story, I felt like I had walked out of my prison of shame and silence, and I was one person for the world to see. That is when my advocacy began.
Being inside the Capitol for me is really surreal because I get this overwhelming feeling that this is where change happens. This is where people get together and can make real profound change. Last year I helped to pass three laws. This year I hope to pass two more. Back then, I wasn’t told what my rights were. So on a college campus now in Oregon, if you’re sexually assaulted, you are given a piece of paper in plain language that says what your rights are. And the idea that someone else won’t have to go through what I went through means a lot to me, and that’s where I find my healing and that’s where I find my justice.
